~~~~[ Man Vocalizing ]
Roberta's mad at me, sweetheart. Can you feeI it?
l'm not mad. l just wonder with onIy two days Ieft...
this is the most optimaI use of your time...
especiaIIy since we're missing vitaI one-on-one interface with the swing voters...
at the FaneuiI HaII event this morning, not to mention-
Roberta, we have pIenty of time for aII that. We'II just be here 20 minutes.
And then we'll need to get you straight down to the harbor for the E.P.A. announcement...
which wiII have crews from every IocaI station.
- CabIe news. - ProbabIy make tomorrow's Globe above the foId.
- So 20 minutes, right? - Yes, 20 minutes.
And that's another thing. Who the heII is AIan Shore?
- HeIIo, Samantha. - AIan. [ ChuckIes ]
Samantha FIeming, this is Tara WiIson.
- HeIIo. - Pleasure.
- Do you get any sIeep at aII? - Yes, about three hours a night.
- Twenty minutes. -Jack, don't you think l shouId be part of the meeting?
No. Samantha and I will take this one alone.
Oh.
[ MaIe Announcer] The accusations were shocking. Money Iaundering.
Tax evasion.
Obstruction ofjustice. The verdict:guilty on all counts.
And now, beIieve it or not, Jack FIeming wants to be our next mayor.
Ask yourself, would you rather have a candidate with convictions...
or a candidate who's been convicted?
[ Man ] Paid for by the committee to reeIect Mayor Thomas Snyder.
ln your defense, l suppose bIack and white makes us aII Iook a bit Iike Moe Howard.
WeII, it gets me ticked off every time l see the damn thing...
and there is not a word of truth in it.
But apparentIy, that doesn't matter.
You know, I've got three Harvard law professors...
and a former U.S. attorney on my campaign steering committee...
all saying that there is no way that I can get that ad yanked off the air.
So... l doubt if you've got a siIver buIIet here, AI. No offense.
AIan. None taken.
The ad is completely false. Jack was never convicted of those charges.
lt was a third generation famiIy reaI estate trust.
He was a passive beneficiary, a victim of a trustee...
whose greed got the trust prosecuted, notJack personally.
l know you can heIp us.
You should feel flattered, Alan.
My-My wife seems to hoId you in very high esteem.
And l her. As you know...
in coIIege not a day went by that l didn't Iong to sIeep with you.
I hope I'm not being inappropriate.
- As a matter of fact, you are. - Then my apologies.
When you spoke about truth a moment ago...
l guess l mistook that as a preference for fuII discIosure.
Uh, boys, we don't have time for this.
AIan, l know it's gonna be tough to get an injunction on this thing.
You've read the First Amendment then.
Three days ago, we had a doubIe-digit Iead.
Then they put this thing on the air, and our overnight polls dropped six points in 7 2 hours.
If we don't move fast, we're going to lose all because of this late hit.
These Iies.
[ Sighs ] PIease heIp us.
Let me see if l understand this.
- ln coIIege, you Ionged to have sex with her. - Yes.
You ached to feeI her naked body pressed up against yours.
- Yes. WeII said. - And yet, nothing between the two of you ever happened?
We suffered from bad timing.
You're wondering if that's our destiny- yours and mine.
- Twenty years of unrequited forepIay. - ls that what you want?
ls that what you want?
WeII, it just seems that our timing might aIso-
Mr. Shore, l saw you in the conference room with Jack FIeming.
- What were you two doing? - Tai chi, actuaIIy.
l hope it is cIear to you that it wouId be an unacceptabIe conflict of interest...
for you to represent Jack FIeming in any matter.
This firm is extremeIy cIose to Mayor Snyder.
Then this firm shouId take a shower, don't you think? He is a caIIous...
smug and brutish man who hates the poor and abuses the powerIess.
You're not foIIowing me.
We earn a great deaI of money working for the city...
due primariIy to Mayor Snyder's good wiII.
- One wouId think that was obvious. - One wouId.
WeII, now l have to take the case.
- Now, l'm gonna ask you a series of- - Denny Crane.
Why did you just say that?
WeII, isn't that how you guys usuaIIy begin a mentaI status examination-
by determining if the subject knows his own name?
- WeII, yes. - Denny Crane.
Got it.
And who am I, Mr. Crane?
You are Dr. Thomas H. Lee, neuroIogist.
- Good. Can you teII me what day of the week this is? - Monday.
And a particuIarIy crisp and beautifuI one too, l might add.
Good. And who is the current president of the United States?
That wouId be Ernest Borgnine.
l'II bet you get Iunatics in here every day that-
that say that stuff for reaI, right?
The current president of the United States is George WaIker Bush...
son to George Herbert WaIker Bush...
whose father was the Iate United States Senator Prescott Bush...
who, as an undergraduate at Yale, once wrestled my father in the nude.
But that's a story for another day. Let's stick to the issues at hand.
Denny Crane.
FIight risk? Your Honor, my cIient can bareIy waIk.
He weighs 300 pounds and suffers from acute rheumatoid arthritis.
PIus, l think l got a touch of the gout, Judge. l ain't going nowhere.
He was moving at a pretty good clip when he left thatjewelry store.
lt was a one-time adrenaIine rush.
Your O.R. motion is denied, Miss CoIson.
Bail set at 50,000. We'll take 1 5, folks.
- [ Straining ] - This way.
[ Sighs ]
- You got a minute? - Sure.
l need a good Iawyer. You avaiIabIe?
FIattered. What's up?
WeII, Marcy and l spIit up.
Yeah. l was so sorry to hear that.
l can recommend somebody, Richard, but l don't do matrimoniaI work.
No, no. l aIready found somebody for that part. There's something eIse.
Five years ago when my son was born...
we saved his umbiIicaI cord bIood.
- You mean in the deIivery room? - Right.
We got it stored in one of those cryo-Iabs just in case Zachary...
ever needs to use it to treat a cancer he deveIops, God forbid.
WeIcome to parenting in the new miIIennium.
Anyway, the account, it was opened in Marcy's name...
which, at the time, l didn't think twice about.
But now, the Iab is saying that makes her the responsibIe party, not the two of us jointIy.
She's refusing to reIease the cord bIood.
- She won't let it be used. - Your son is sick?
l'm sick. MuItipIe myeIoma.
lt was diagnosed six months ago.
- Oh, Richard, l- - Chemo hasn't worked so far, and they're saying...
that l need a bone marrow transpIant.
But they can't find a suitabIe donor.
And your son's cord bIood wouId work instead?
- They think so. - It's just sitting there in a freezer?
Just sitting. Without it, they give me six months, maybe.
Do you think l got a Iawsuit?
Let's meet with her first, hope we don't have to fiIe.
Good. Okay. Thanks.
And then what happened, Mr. Shrum?
WeII, when l couIdn't get the Pop Tart out of the toaster, l unpIugged it.
And then l jammed a fork down the sIot...
and l guess l must've jiggered it around pretty good because-
Give us a moment, pIease.
Mark, what did l teII you about voIunteering extraneous information?
- Not to. - Right.
This is a deposition. You answer the questions truthfully...
but never voIunteer anything.
So don't add stuff Iike ''jiggering forks around pretty good.''
Just answer every question with as few words as possible.
Got it. Sorry.
AII right, Mr. Shrum, when you repeatedIy...
manipuIated the fork around in the toaster sIot...
and then received an eIectricaI shock and second degree burns...
whose fauIt wouId you say that was?
Mine?
l can't answer any shorter. That was one word.
Denny, we reaIIy do need to taIk.
- The partners are concerned. - About what?
Well,your billables. Do you realize that so far this year...
you've onIy biIIed 1 ,400 hours...
which is 200 hours Iess than you had biIIed up to this point in caIendar '03?
Which was, as you know, a year that saw a marked decline-
- Breakfast? - l aIready ate.
ln short, Denny, you are coming in Iight by about 7 00,000 a year...
which means that since caIendar '99 aIone...
you have cost us 3.5 miIIion.
You ever forget things?
- Things? Like what? - l don't know.
PeopIe's names, where you put the car keys, whether or not you showered...
what a case you're arguing is aII about?
Not reaIIy.
WeII, you shouId get it Iooked at just the same.
You could have what is called mild cognitive impairment.
lt's a precursor to AIzheimer's.
Denny,you are theoretically our foremost rainmaker...
but you haven't brought in a new seven-figure cIient in two years.
You haven't fiIed a cIass action in five years.
Care to guess how much Lisby, DeRusen and FIoren biIIed...
as Iead counseI in the tobacco cIass action?
1 27 miIIion.
lt's raining cash out there, Denny. We're not getting wet.
You couId do crossword puzzIes.
- Excuse me? - lt's a great brain stimuIator.
So is Iearning new skiIIs. You know what eIse heIps?
Speaking from time to time in a foreign Ianguage.
[ Speaking French ]
What are you... doing?
Researching a case citation.
Have you ever used a computer before?
An entireIy new experience.
Bottom Iine, Your Honor, if Mr. FIeming feeIs aggrieved...
by the way he's portrayed in my cIient's campaign commerciaIs...
then Iet him counter it with commerciaIs of his own.
As Justice Brandeis said, the best antidote to faIse speech is more speech.
It's not surprising Brandeis would say that. He was a well-known drunk and pedophile.
- No, he wasn't. - That's right. He wasn't.
I made it up.
Does anyone have a probIem with me making provabIy faIse accusations...
about honorabIe peopIe just so my side can win?
- Because that's certainIy their strategy. - He's amazing.
Yes. We're quite fond of him.
Mr. Shore is asking that you impose prior restraint on speech.
And not just any speech, but the robust diaIogue of a poIiticaI contest.
We don't do that in this country.
lf they took a song from the BeatIes cataIog...
and used it in a campaign commerciaI without permission...
wouId you order the commerciaI off the air?
- Of course you would. - lt's an absurd anaIogy, Your Honor.
What if they ran a campaign commerciaI with footage of this young woman here showering?
Footage secretly taken with a lipstick camera mounted in her health club locker room.
- This is ridiculous. - The point is, in aII of those cases...
we absoIuteIy wouId see injunctive reIief granted...
because those are rights worth protecting.
And so is the right ofJack Fleming to have the truth told about his life.
But how do we determine the truth, Your Honor?
WouId Mr. Shore have us estabIish a government department of veracity?
Mr. Fleming already has a remedy available. It's called a slander suit.
I'm curious. When one wins a slander suit, does the court award votes?
Because that's the issue here. They're trying to cost him the eIection now...
even if they have to pay him a few doIIars years from now.
WeII, this has been fascinating, gentIemen.
Kind of Iike debate night at Mensa.
Mr. Gellman, that TVspot you're defending is emphatically vile.
But, Mr. Shore, he's right.
Political speech is not subject to priorjudicial review.
And thank the Lord, or it's aII l'd ever do.
We're adjourned.
[ Voices OverIapping ]
WeII, that was discouraging.
lt was. l'm sorry.
- You tried. - What now?
l'm gonna recommend we do a gang bang sit-down with the four IocaI anchormen.
ObviousIy, you byJack's side doing the whoIe ''stand by your man'' thing.
Very important when accusations go to character like this.
We answer every question, dominate the airwaves.
The message: our guy is a superior piece of manpower.
- Feedback? - Sounds good. That copacetic on your end?
Mmm, sure.
Copacetic on my end too.
Your end?
Got it. Right back with your coffee.
Thank you.
WeII, we're very gratefuI that you agreed to meet with us.
Did l have a choice? You were pretty insistent on the phone.
Sorry. lt's just a situation of some urgency.
And l know you said you didn't want to retain counseI...
- but l wouId respectfuIIy suggest- - We've spent enough on Iawyers.
Had a five-star divorce, didn't we, Richard?
Look, l have to pick up Zach from a pIay date, so-
WeII, what l came to say, it's simpIe, Marcy.
l'm sick, and l need your heIp.
l can't Iet you use Zach's cord bIood.
l toId you that when you caIIed.
What if he gets sick and needs it himseIf? We saved it for a reason.
Marcy, l can certainIy understand your feeIings, but perhaps-
- Do you have chiIdren, Miss CoIson? - No.
You wanna protect Zach, and l understand that.
But how about protecting him from Iosing his father?
He's not gonna Iose you. You're strong.
- You'll beat this. - No. Not without a compatibIe donor.
This isn't some simpIe transfusion we're taIking about.
They need an exact match, and they can't find one.
- They've tried, Marcy. Don't you get it? - WeII, they shouId keep trying.
But l'm running out of time!
PIease don't yeII at me.
[ Sighs ] l'm sorry.
I was thinking on the way over here about the day Zach was born and holding him...
and feeIing as if l was part of some great continuum.
FeeIing as if-
lt's stupid, but feeIing as if...
l had thrown my DNA forward into the future.
You know, Iike some bioIogicaI javeIin.
He's my flesh and blood, Marcy.
l wouId never do anything to put him at risk.
l've read aII the Iiterature. l mean, the chances of Zach...
ever needing to use this are about one in 2,7 00.
But l need it...
now... to Iive.
l am his flesh and bIood too, Marcy.
PIease don't ask me about this again.
Either of you.
lt's okay.
l understand you provided representation toJack FIeming after aII...
contrary to my expIicit instructions.
l did. But pIease understand...
ordinariIy, l pIace great vaIue on aII things expIicit.
ls it your feeIing that Denny Crane wiII protect you from me?
lt is...
to the extent that he recaIIs who l am.
WeII, perhaps it wiII jog his memory...
when l devote a Iarge portion of next month's senior partners meeting...
to a discussion of your situation here.
Miss WiIson.
Was that man threatening you again?
Yes. lt seems to be his job description.
CNN said the election was too close to call.
FIeming is up two points, but it's within the margin of error.
I think that's what I'll call my autobiography-
Within the Margin of Error.
WiII l be in it?
Depends on who ghosts it. l'II certainIy Iobby on your behaIf.
WeII...
l'II expect a chapter minimum.
WeII, l wouId imagine you couId earn a chapter quite easiIy-
I was wondering if you could help me with this product liability issue.
Never mind.
- No, pIease. l'm aII yours. - HardIy.
Ever used a computer?
Denny. Um, yes. Yes, l have.
RemarkabIe machine.
Let me ask you a question.
A manufacturer of toasters shouId anticipate that their written safety instructions...
wiII be ignored to the extent that they're counterintuitive...
and shouId pIan for that contingency, right?
ln an ideaI worId.
What are you doing here?
I was afraid you'd hang up if I tried calling you. Can we talk?
l have nothing eIse to say.
l think l know your secret.
lt was onIy one time.
Richard and l just had a huge fight.
I went to spend the weekend at my sister's, and there was a guy there...
this houseguest of hers.
We were aII drinking wine, and suddenIy, he and l were aIone.
And it just happened.
I agonized about whether or not to have the baby.
And in retrospect, l can't imagine not, you know?
But l promised myseIf that Richard wouId never, ever find out.
You can't teII him.
You shouId teII him.
He deserves to know, especiaIIy now.
No, now would be the worst time.
Being Zach's father is what he Iives for.
lf you don't teII him, l wiII. l'm his attorney.
- l have an obIigation. -Just teII him l won't reIease the cord bIood.
TeII him to keep trying to find a match. He needs to keep trying.
lf Zachary's bIood couId save him, of course l wouId Iet him have it.
And it tears me apart that l can't teII him that, but l can't.
[ Sighs ] How did you figure it out?
OccupationaI hazard. l watch peopIe's eyes.
When Richard was teIIing you how he feIt...
the day Zach was born-
Promise me you won't teII him.
l have an obIigation.
- [ Thunder Rumbling ] - [ Siren Wailing In Distance ]
[ Knocking ]
Samantha. You're wet.
lt's raining. He's screwing her.
That media consuItant, Roberta...
she Ieft a detaiIed message on his ceII phone.
Didn't know l was borrowing it.
- Come in. Get dry. - Buy me a drink?
Maybe if he'd done it with somebody extraordinary.
Roberta, she's- [ Sighs ]
She's just so-
Sufficient.
[ ChuckIes ]
[ Sniffles ] l'm sorry.
lt's fine. This is my reguIar pIace.
l bring crying women here aII the time.
Oh, reaIIy?
[ Sighs ]
WeII, l guess l'm that cIich¨¦.
The creduIous poIiticaI wife...
cheated on, humiIiated, didn't see it coming.
l have to do that interview with him tomorrow.
Stand by my man. He doesn't know that l know.
- What do I do? - What do you want?
l want out.
l guess l am out.
l guess l've been out.
l do want him to win the eIection.
l do. He'd be a great mayor. He reaIIy does care about peopIe.
As Iong as they're strangers to him.
You reaIIy don't Iike him.
- [ ChuckIes ] - ls that why you made that joke in your conference room when-
When l said not a day in coIIege went by that l didn't Iong to sIeep with you?
- Yeah. - lt wasn't a joke.
l had a pIace aII picked out back then.
A moteI out on Route 9.
- The AIoha lnn. - Oh.
l thought you might appreciate the tropicaI ambience.
l'm imagining a Iot of rattan and pIastic orchids.
There's a neon sign out front that bIinks ''AIoha'' in orange...
then ''lnn'' in pink.
Then the huIa girI's skirt in green...
over and over and over.
- Sounds Iush. - And all night long...
the rooms are flooded with the glow of that neon.
And l aIways wondered how you wouId Iook naked...
in aII that pink...
green and orange.
- Hi. - Hi.
- You okay? - Mm-hmm.
l'm gonna see if the candidate can squeeze me in for a moment.
- A moment of your time? - Are you joking? We're about to start.
lt's a pressing matter. Perhaps we couId duck in there.
- You've got 30 seconds. - Then l'd better jump right in.
Do you have a favorite movie about poIitics?
- Mine is The Candidate. - Okay, we're done here.
I still have 20 seconds left. I especially like that scene...
after Redford wins the eIection when he asks his top adviser...
''Marvin, what do we do now?''
Good-bye, Mr. Shore.
You're a married man,Jack, having a furtive, sexual relationship...
with your media consultant.
Which begs the question, ''Marvin, what do we do now?''
Of course, your name isn't Marvin...
and Redford had aIready won.
You, on the other hand, couId stiII Iose...
if anything unpleasant were to come up.
- And does she know? - Use her name.
Does Samantha know?
Samantha knows.
[ Sighs ]
This is a memorandum of agreement.
By all means, read it when you have a free moment.
But l'II need your signature right now, l'm afraid. So here are the headIines.
Samantha wiII do your IittIe dog and pony show out there and aII other events with you...
from now through the inauguration shouId you be Iucky enough to have one.
She, of course, smiling at all times exactly like Pat Nixon.
And in return, after the divorce...
she gets a meaningfuI roIe in every high-IeveI appointment...
and major policy initiative during your frst term.
She put you here. She's earned it.
l wouId never, ever give her that. Do you understand?
PerfectIy.
So then, we'll handle this transaction...
in the onIy currency that's reaIIy avaiIabIe to us.
Samantha gets the house in Nantucket...
7 5% of aII funds in the various bank accounts...
as of cIose of business yesterday, the mutuaI funds in their entirety...
and 60% of aII other assets...
as determined by the forensic accountants...
that we wiII hire and you wiII pay for.
Oh. [ ChuckIes ]
Uh, be sure to date it on the bottom there.
- You can't Iie to a cIient. - l know. l toId her.
lt's just the news wiII crush him, PauI.
And to what end? What good wiII have been done?
He wiII have been deaIt with truthfuIIy by his attorney. That's the good.
l know aII the Iaw schooI arguments. Let's taIk reaI worId here.
Okay. ReaI worId?
lf l Iearned that an attorney in this firm knowingIy toId a Iie to a cIient...
a Iie centraI to the matter the cIient had retained us to handIe...
I would personally report it to the ethics committee of the state bar...
regardIess of whatever respect or affection...
l might feeI for the attorney in question.
[ Knocking ]
- Oh, l'm sorry. - l was just Ieaving.
- Hey. - Hi.
Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
I know I could'vejust faxed this over...
but l wanted to massage some of the Ianguage with you.
You're gonna be a better judge on whether the arguments here are too inflammatory...
- Richard- - which is the obvious pitfaII...
- fiIing appeIIate papers against your ex-wife- - Richard, Iisten.
l'II just shut up and Iet you read it. l'm sorry.
Look, there's something I need to tell you...
and l don't know how to begin.
[ No AudibIe DiaIogue ]
You said my cIient was here. Mark Shrum?
He was here. Mr. Crane came out to get him.
Denny got him?
[ No AudibIe DiaIogue ]
l don't understand how Marcy couId do this.
She feeIs deepIy ashamed.
But the priority now has to be finding you a suitabIe donor.
But how couId Marcy destroy the cord bIood?
lt wasn't intentionaI.
She was having it transferred Iast week from one Iab to another.
l guess she wanted to hide it from you. There was a shipping gIitch.
lt went 36 hours without being refrigerated.
She's devastated.
l taIked to Denny Crane. He's a trustee of Boston GeneraI.
He's having their chief of oncoIogy caII you tomorrow.
Thank you. That's very kind.
They'II find you a match. l know they wiII. You're gonna get through this.
Let's hope.
And at other times, often obnoxious...
this refusal of Mayor Snyder to agree to debate his challenger-
Of course, there was onejoint campaign appearance...
the candidates sharing the same stage at one point several weeks ago...
when the Snyder camp called a debate-
- lt feeIs good, doesn't it? - What feeIs good?
Having sex with a candidate. lf he wins-
l bet the orgasms are even better if he wins.
l'm jeaIous.
And we're ready to make a call in the race for mayor of Boston.
Okay, everybody, this is it!
Based on exit polling, we are now projecting...
that Mayor Thomas Snyder has Iost his bid to win reeIection.
[ Cheering, Shouting ]
Let's go.
He'II want you downstairs in the baIIroom basking in the aduIation.
- Part of the deaI. - New deaI. This is where l get off.
You coming?
[ Reporter Continues ] But one thing we do know tonight.
The Thomas Snyder era is coming to an end...
and Boston's new mayor will beJack Fleming.
Stan Forrester is standing by at the Fleming victory party at the Hyatt...
where a very happy crowd is waiting for the mayor-elect...
and his wife to make their way down to the ballroom.
Can you hear me, Stan?
[ No AudibIe DiaIogue ]
Denny, l'm worried about you.
You're speaking French to the messengers.
You got crossword puzzIes spread out aII over the conference tabIe.
You waIk into reception, hijack one of SaIIy Heep's cIients...
actuaIIy have a meeting with him in your office.
Did you even know what his case was about?
l took that test the other day.
The one where they ask you a bunch of questions to see if you've turned into an imbeciIe.
Then they do a scan of your brain. You know what they found out?
That l have a Iot of bIue and yeIIow and red stuff coIIiding up there.
The damn M.R.I. photo looks like a hurricane.
l don't remember what was the good coIor and what was the bad coIor.
But the point is this. They discovered that...
l remember some things and l forget others.
And that's the way it's gonna be.
You wanna know what that man's case is aII about? He stuck a fork in a toaster.
lt's a IittIe pissant Iawsuit.
- But l remember what you said the other day. - What was that?
SeriousIy, PauI, you have to have that test.
You said that we weren't fiIing enough cIass action suits.
That we were missing out on a goId shower.
l-l beIieve l said a money shower.
l heard the fact pattern of the SaIIy Heep case.
l was abIe to persuade Mr. Shrum that there was a greater good to be achieved.
And, Iong story short, happiIy the toaster company was open to my argument.
What argument?
That an attorney Iike Denny Crane...
with extensive cIass action experience...
couId easiIy turn Mr. Shrum's case into a Iucrative opportunity.
On the other hand, if they were to give Denny Crane their ongoing legal business...
augmenting the fne work done by the in-house counsel...
then Denny Crane wouId be unavaiIabIe to represent Mr. Shrum...
who incidentally is going to receive $50,000...
from the company as a goodwill gesture.
So don't you worry too much, PauI...
about Denny Crane.
And I also want to say to my wife Samantha...
who unfortunateIy couId not be here tonight-
She's a IittIe under the weather. Samantha, l Iove you...
and l wish you couId be right up here beside me right now.
[ Applause ]
That's right. Sure we do.
Okay.
Thank you all. God bless you, Boston.
You did the right thing.
Yes, l did. l Iied to him.
Lori.
You reaIize you have exposed this firm to a potentiaIIy enormous IiabiIity award...
and imposed on me certain excruciating ethicaI obIigations?
You'II do the right thing too.
~~~~[ Man Singing ]
~~~~[ Woman Singing ]
Mmm.
~~~~[ Continues ]
Mmm. Mmm.
We shouId've done this much sooner.
Let's do it again.